She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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