fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
