I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
