So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize