You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
