Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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