just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize