He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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