after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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