So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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