He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize