she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
