For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
