how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
