Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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