can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
