so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize