Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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