Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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