Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
