Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
