the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
