so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
