Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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