just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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