I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
