It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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