I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
