fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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