I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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