OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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