she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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