sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
