Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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