sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
