Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
