Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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