I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
