I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
