Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
