i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
