I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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