i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
