I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
