I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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