how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
