woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
