So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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