Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
