This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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