I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
