To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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