It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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