This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
