I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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