Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tonight lets celebrate not being married
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
