:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Moan for me like Helen Keller
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
