shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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