Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize