Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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