What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to calm my uterus...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
