dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My life is pants optional.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
