Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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