Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
