can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
