we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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