He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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