Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize