just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
