you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
