WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize