my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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