pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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