Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
