I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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