I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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