so that wasnt chicken after all
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize