Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
