i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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