Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
