I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
