How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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