that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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