I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
