I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
