I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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