You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
false alarm, still single
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
