I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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