the day after is always just damage control
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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