Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
