Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
