Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
