I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
