i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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