I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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