defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
