It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
