PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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