Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize