the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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