Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
