Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
