I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
