I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
