I'm going to jail i love you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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