You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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