i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
