Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
