Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
