so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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