She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
