I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
