Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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