I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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