wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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